Feature article: Passive voice part deux Find out when it's actually appropriate to use passive voice, even though some people would prefer you never used it (oh, I'm sorry. I forgot we're not talking about passive aggressive voice...)
Humor: Church bulletins Errors in these earnest publications have been entertaining the faithful ever since Pete and the boys were hanging out in old Jerusalem. Read on for some classic flubs.
From the web site for Hill Dermaceuticals, Inc., of Sanford, Fla., a pharmaceutical company specializing in dermatology products:
Hill’s criterion for marketing a product is simple:
- It must work better then any other product
- It must be safer then any other product
- Patients will be able to afford it
Admirable goals, all. But this is what happens when you write like you talk. When you use phonetics instead of a dictionary to direct your spelling. I don't know who first started pronouncing than as then, but I'm pinning it on Valley Girls.
Then is primarily an adverb (the part of speech that modifies a verb, adjective or other adverb), and its meaning is "at that time, immediately or soon afterward, or next in order of time."
Than is primarily a conjunction (the part of speech that serves to connect words, phrases, clauses or sentences), which is used 1. to introduce the second member of an unequal comparison; 2. after some adverbs and adjectives expressing choice or diversity, such as other, otherwise, else, anywhere or different; 3. to introduce an alternative or denote a difference in kind, place, style, identity, etc.; or 4. to introduce the rejected choice in expressions of preference.
The easiest way to remember the difference between these two: then refers in some way to time. Than refers to comparison.
(You get bonus points if you also noticed in the above example that "criterion" is singular. "Criteria" is the plural form and should have been used.)
This one is dedicated to my choir-kid daughter Chloe.
As I mentioned in the last issue of Fun with Conan the Grammarian, there are some legitimate reasons to use passive voice:
1. When the receiver of the action is the focus of your paragraph rather than the actor:
Because most choir kids spontaneously burst into song for no apparent reason, many of them get the crap kicked out of them by the jocks.
Since “choir kids” is the focus of the paragraph, using active voice in the second sentence would shift the focus to “jocks.”
2. When using passive voice shortens the sentence subject rather than lengthening it.
Active: The large number of choir kids getting their butts kicked and their inability to control spontaneous outbursts instigated our decision to outfit the choir kids with shock collars.
Passive: Our decision to outfit the choir kids with shock collars was instigated by the large numbers of choir kids getting their butts kicked and their inability to control spontaneous outbursts.
3. When the actor is irrelevant or unknown, or you are intentionally trying to hide the identity of the actor.
The shock collars must be fitted before next Monday.
The body was removed from the crime scene.
4. When passive voice produces greater emphasis on the main point of the sentence.
Active: The school should not subject non-choir kids to endless choruses of “Seasons of Love” from Rent all day long.
Passive: Non-choir kids should not be subjected to endless choruses of “Seasons of Love” from Rent all day long.
5. With a multi-part subject.
Active: Numerous butt kickings, the inability of choir kids to stop singing and the jocks’ lack of foot control instigated the solution we’ve agreed on.
Passive: The solution we’ve agreed on was instigated by butt kickings, the inability of choir kids to stop singing and the jocks’ lack of foot control.
6. When you’re trying to spare someone embarrassment, prosecution or disciplinary action.
The package containing the iron lung was lost in transit...
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My personal favorite was courtesy of a small church in east Denver where the bulletin told of a new directory which wanted to say, "Pick one up, today!" but instead said "Pick one up, toady!"
-------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." Note to AOL users: Don't adjust your set...the links above are not live because AOL has started stripping html links from email. There's nothing I can do about it, but if you want access to the links, go to www.ConanTheGrammarian.com/archives.htm and click on the appropriate issue date. Get mentioned in FWCTG! Send me humorous or interesting writing mistakes and I'll include them in a future issue.
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